Profound and Overwhelming Gratitude
On this Thanksgiving morning, as I sit in my living room drinking my coffee, I am reminded of all the people who have carried me through this year. I am looking at the objects around me and thinking about the invisible strings that brought them into my life. A bottle of Calming Aveeno Lotion, included in the first cancer care package I received, from my brother’s friends who I had only met once; Turquoise clip on earrings, which I bought for myself to feel more confident when my hair started to fall out; A silicone face scrubber and sunshine yellow nail polish, both gifts from my best friend in the world, in a time when I needed her most; and A silver Madonna statue, a spiritual relic from my honorary uncle, an eccentric virtuoso.
Outside of my line of sight, I can think of scores of other gifts that I have received this year from my family, friends, and acquaintances. To name a few: Journals, books, fuzzy socks, hats, hand-sewn face masks, blankets, home decorations, a necklace that says “Fuck Cancer” in Morse code, crossword puzzles, coloring books, golf clubs, posters, Nintendo switch games, flower arrangements, candy, bottles of wine, headphones, playdough, a sea monkey aquarium and hand-crocheted sea monkey plushies to match.
The outpouring of love and support from my friends and family throughout my cancer treatment has been nothing short of amazing.
Your gifts, acts of service, and kind words have given me so much strength during this time and I will never forget them. I want everyone to know that the small gestures that you make for others are so important. For me, these were the things that carried me from one day to the next. It was the homemade meals, handwritten cards, facebook messages, and blog comments. It was the vulnerability of those who shared their own cancer stories with me, and the perseverance of the people who took my responsibilities onto their already full plates so that I could focus on healing.
In the most difficult year of my life, I have more to be thankful for than ever before and there is more beauty in my life than I ever imagined. Challenging days have come and gone but what always seems to remain is a profound and overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the people in my life who have showed me so much grace and love this year. I am thankful to be the kind of cancer patient who learns a beautiful lesson about herself and the people who love her. I am also thankful to have known other cancer patients, who taught people beautiful lessons with their lives as they faded away.
It is so easy to become complacent and take the blessings in life for granted. I have a renewed awareness of how truly lucky I am to live a comfortable life filled with people who love me. When you have a brush with death, you get a glimpse of what you mean to the people in your life. It has been life changing and eye opening to see how many people care about me and the lengths that they are willing to go to make my life a little bit easier.
I am eternally grateful for my parents, who have done everything they can to help me throughout this year. Thank you for all the carpools to and from the cancer center when I was too nauseous and delirious to drive. Thank you for waking me up at 8 am and forcing me to eat jello. Thank you for finding things for me to eat and drink when nothing appealed to me. Thank you for motivating me to walk around the block when getting out of bed seemed impossible.
To my sister,
Thank you for keeping life joyful and normal. Thank you for cooking me breakfast and throwing handfuls of goldfish into my mouth. Thank you for quitting your job to keep me safe. Thank you for eyeball-method cookie recipes, and farmers market flowers. You’re welcome for finding the cinnamon.
To my brothers, thank you for the skype calls and laughter; for medical advice, music and cooking tutorials. Thank you for the Mario Kart Grand Prix’s and the Ru Paul’s drag race marathons. Thank you for all the donations to my egg freezing fund and for every piece of advice and encouragement.
I am also thankful for myself and for my own fortitude and optimism. I was able to navigate cancer with a sense of humor, and a deep assurance that I would survive and move forward with an enriched perspective. I am proud of my mental and physical strength, the way I have been able to tell my story and of how much I have overcome.
Finally, I am thankful for remission. It has been almost a month since my last chemotherapy, and I am starting to regain my stamina. I will never again take for granted the ability to climb a flight of stairs without having to stop and catch my breath. I am so proud of my body for fighting so hard for me. I am thankful to be able to work again and give back to my coworkers who have been so amazingly supportive and resilient throughout this year. I am thankful for a healthy appetite, which I fully intend to use today.
Getting cancer has been the biggest challenge of my life and overcoming cancer has been my greatest blessing. I will never forget everyone who walked alongside me in this journey and allowed me to rise to the occasion of beating this disease. Thank you all. On this Thanksgiving, I hope everyone is reminded of the light that they bring to this world and of the profound meaning that their seemingly small gestures have brought to my life. With all my love and gratitude, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
